praying for the Stocco's who lost both of their toddlers Wed night; both drowned in the family swimming pool. ages 1 and 3....

my heart is sick with the passing of a good friends' sister by suicide. honestly, i want to say so much, yet the words are so jumbled. i've been there, it's not pretty, nor is it explainable to people who've never felt the despair, the utter lack of desire to even live. i was one of the ignorant before; thinking that each person should be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel. but i'm here to say, it's not like that. there's no part of you...

First and foremost, happiest birthday wishes to my brother. He's like 25 or something today. This morning, as I was getting ready for work (in the dark), I was caught thinking about this time last year and how much things have changed for me. At this time last year, I was unhappy, unemployed, and uninterested in sticking around. To be honest, I didn't have much going for me. My day consisted of little more than going and laying by he pool and watching a lot of television. I would sit...

i fight great internal struggles each and every day. i fight myself on decisions, on relationships, and on what i believe. often, i feel like i'm the only person in the world that seems to find trouble in everything, but lately i've been very comforted in knowing that others struggle as well. it's weird to say that, though, as it's like i'm rooting for others to feel lost or alone. but knowing that others are struggling with the same things i do is oddly comforting. so much of how i...

I've been meaning to write for the past couple of weeks about feeling better and being happier. It's hard to explain though, for two reasons. The first being that I don't want to jinx myself or create unattainable expectations for myself. I've still got issues to work out and things to do better in, but for the first time in a long time, I've got some hope. The second being I don't want to give the impression that I was "just in a rut" or something that was easy to...

"i want my life to be something more than long."...

Here's where I continue to be bizzarely honest. I've re-written this like seventeen times in the last couple of minutes. I thought I was through the hard part of depression. I thought I was done with the hiding and the hopeless thoughts. They've returned and I wasn't ready. I got some news yesterday that seems to have brought it back in the short term. I just tried to sleep for the past hour and didn't have any luck. My thoughts were sour, my outlook hopeless. To some, I've described depression...