several times in the past week, I have gotten lost on the street I now live on. it's embarrassing; I have these moments where I CAN NOT find where I live... made even worse by the fact that this street has maybe 15 houses on it.

work is going well; chef is great and everyone treats him like a rockstar. it's nice to walk in to places and get this weird street-cred just for being with him. on the other hand, it's pretty awkward because i feel like he introduces me better than i deserve. it's all part of a general awkwardness i've developed in this externship. on the one hand, i want to impress and use the knowledge i've gained to make good things. on the other hand, i feel like i'm thought to know way more than i really do. so it's a delicate balance, personally, of trying to make myself not come off as a dweeb. no matter how hard that may be.

it's just a weird situation and i'm still trying to figure out how to handle it. i work with great people; smart people... who know way more about everything than i do. perhaps it's that i'm not treated like the idiot that i sometimes feel like. anyway...

whitney gave me her wii. she'll say she didn't "give" it to me, but i can guarantee i'm never giving it up. madden '07 on the wii is like this revolutionary life force that beckons me every day; it's revolutionized the running game and makes me giggle with glee. can you giggle with glee?. i think so. i will say, it's hard to balance season one of 24 with this god-send wii call the wii, but i've found time.

in other news, whitney is having a hard time with things lately. loving someone you never get to see is hard and i can definitely understand her frustrations and pain.
but i hope she just remembers that i love her and that she's incredibly beautiful and talented. i mean, really, has anyone met her and not liked her?

no.

so as i sit here on this wonderful friday night; my nose still tingling from the afternoon visit to the seasoning and flavoring manufacturer, i can say that things are good; but i wish they were even better. along with my awkwardness at work, i have this awkwardness with how i feel about everything in general. on the one hand, i'm satisfied with my choices, with my luck in this externship, and with being in Dallas. on the other hand, i want to be sharing this with Whitney and i wish i could be with her to help ease her struggle.

i think, as lee has proclaimed lately, that life is just really hard. it's hard to transition into the reality of life and the futility of old dreams and idealizations of how things would be. i'd love for things to be exactly like i want them to be, but the cool thing is finding things you never anticipated and seeing how great it can be. keep searching...