It's weird to say that you've loved someone from the first time you met them. It's cliche and often it's untrue, but it certainly applies to how I feel about my girl, Whitney. It's funny, but when people ask us how we met, neither of us really know how to answer.

We didn't "know" each other before we met, but we knew each other by a good case of recreational stalking and the following of the others' weblog. Which is funny, because it normally seems creepy and weird, but for us, it's how we both got to know each other well enough to really be able to connect really quickly. I'll leave her side of the story for her to tell, but both of us were coming out of bad situations with bad feelings involved. For me, the night we met was one of the first times I'd gone out with friends for several months. I wasn't happy and I was feeling pretty stale and bored. So when my brother mentioned that Macon Greyson was in town, I decided to go because I love their music and it'd be nice to get out of the house.

After the show, we followed the band back to an afterparty and spent the evening relaxing with everyone after the show. It was a great time and I had a great time with my brother and all of his (and I guess our) friends. At the party though, I looked over my shoulder and saw this girl I knew, but had never really talked to. So of course, I turn my head and say "hey, you're whitney green."

There it starts. We talked for hours, far beyond any hour that was reasonable. Around 9:15am, we finally called it a night, both a little taken back by how the night had ended. All I knew is that I was finally able to place a physical person with this person i actually knew. I remember one vivid moment in the late fall, early winter where I was sitting at my desk with my dog and my music. I had been on facebook and had seen Whitney's profile. I read over to see if there was anything new, but got sucked into her blog. As I read some of her older, deeper stuff, I couldn't help but feel like this was the girl I wanted. I remember thinking these exact words, "i wish i had a girlfriend like this."

As we spent, essentially, every day together for the next two months, our feelings advanced. Or she says they did, but I was hooked from the very first moment. I can safely say that I am completely ignorant and blind to any sort of "signal" or "sign" that a girl is interested in me. So for three weeks, I loved this girl and had NO IDEA she had any feelings for me. Granted, I was totally ok with being friends with her because we had such a great time with each other and could spend hours just talking and debating things.

One night, all the feelings overflowed and I finally decided I had to make a move or I'd die. Luckily, things worked out and we had some great conversations for the next few days detailing how we each liked the other, but didn't want to embarass ourselves. It was great.

However, all was not wonderful. This all came about when I'd finally become ok with being single, and I was finally ok with letting go of everything that was holding me to Lubbock. I knew that I needed to go out and do something and I needed to get out and grow up. Suddenly, Whitney is in my life and it was quite a tailspin trying to figure out how to balance my goals with my relationship with her.

This is all a long way of explaining that it's hard. It's hard to finally get past something, ready to move on, only to find something really wonderful. I had to make the tough decision to move away, even though my heart couldn't leave. I've heard it said many times, but "the guy who said that "distance makes the heart grow fonder, was full of shit.""

It's hard. Really hard.

But I still feel the same way I did the first night I told Whitney that I loved her. We were at a Mr. Tonight concert at the beer garden and we were in this big group. I knew Whitney could see that something was going on inside my head, but I just couldn't say anything. It felt like something was eating at me and I needed to let it out before it killed me. I wanted so bad to tell her how I felt, but I didn't want to scare her off or anything. But in the loud haze of the music, I finally told her that i'd fallen in love with her.

I still am.

So it's really hard to be away. It's hard to let her know how I feel when I'm not there and it's hard to show her that it's not easy for me either. I get caught up in these feelings that I can't show her that it sucks for me too, because I've got to be the strong person. But it's hard and it's easy to feel like I should just give up and let her go.

But, for solace, I just go back and remember how I felt the first time I met her and how that feeling has only gotten stronger and I'm reassured that things will work for the best. Now I've just got to stop daydreaming in class about how to convince her to move up here with me.