It's so weird how our minds work when it comes to something we love. Today, in the midst of the millions of smells we come into contact with everyday, I picked up one in a crowd of people. It's one of those scents that just takes you to another place. Your heart fills up, life seems fuller, and you're stuck in the moment you don't ever want to leave. I had that today, and it's still affecting me right now. I don't know if I live too much of my life in my own altered-reality where everything I do is great, and one of these days it's all going to turn-around and work out expressly for me! I don't know how much of my life and thoughts are imagination and wishful thinking. I want something, and I can't have it. I don't know whether to be happy with what I have now or press life for more, or should I be bold and demand that life give me everything I feel as though I deserve. I know I don't deserve most of what I have. I have great friends, even better parents (though I don't like to admit it), and I just feel like I've been set-up to be successful. Do you ever feel as though you're squandering everything you've been given? I know I feel that way a lot. Whether it's not having a 4 point in college, which I could have if I just tried, or if it's having a better job if I worked harder, or whatever. I just feel like sometimes I don't push enough to get the returns I feel as though I deserve. Deserve, I think that's where we get all caddywhompass. I don't know what I deserve. Am I being selfish or humble with what I feel? Feel, there's another problem. Define feel, I dare you. You'll rewrite your definition fifteen times before you settle on something you don't really know if it feels right.
I still want.