from this smile on my face, you'd have no idea how much this hurts.
i feel like a complete outsider to you. asking mundane questions,
getting mundane answers. i'm a damn intrusion anymore, it feels
like. oh, as much as i lie to myself, it won't ever be the same. it
won't ever be as good. it might be good, in some way, someday,
but never as good.

was i dreaming all last year? maybe i projected some fantasy
backwards on the whole thing. maybe we weren't that close, maybe
it was all in my head, maybe it's just jealous wishful thinking.

you're safe there. from 8,000 miles away, reading my careful words
in a little box, you can't see when my eyes start to water. and
that's best. you don't want to know, and i don't want you to.