for you lee
the most remarkable story came through the cacophony listserve today from Mike K. sometimes a story out of nowhere told online can be even better than a story told in a bar because it's so rich in detail and so unexpected.

I'll tell you about Texas. Me and my friend Cam went down to his Dad's timeshare in Port Aransas, Texas, a little beach resort town about 45 minutes south of Corpus Christi, for a week of sportfishing on the gulf. So, the first night in town, we go out on the town, hit a bunch of bars. We come to this one bar, where they tell us they haven't got their liquor license yet, so, by some strange Texan logic, all drinks cost $2.

So we go and have a drink. And behind the bar, there's this girl, it's not politically correct but I can only describe this girl as a "Texas honey" - pretty, curly blond hair, cowboy hat. And we're there a few minutes, and this older guy starts hassling us, accusing us, saying we're with the liquor board or something, and the only way we're going to prove we're not there to bust him, he says, is for us to do a round of tequila with him. Now, I don't drink tequila, because it makes me do stupid shit when I drink it. So I say I'll have a shot of whiskey instead. And he says, no, he's buying a round of tequila, do I want it or not, so I say, sure. Well, many rounds are bought that night, this guy is getting us tanked, and it turns out he's the owner of the bar, and the bartender is his daughter. He buys us drinks, she buys us drinks, eventually he stumbles out, it winds up just me & Cam & her, shooting pool and drinking round after round of tequila shots. It all gets a bit hazy. I remember she was so drunk, she didn't even X out the register before we left. I remember being in her truck, and she drove us to an all-night drive-through place and bought us a greasy breakfast, I remember getting back to her white-trash trailer park. She told us we had to be quiet because her dad was asleep in the trailer. What I definitely remember is getting to the trailer park, and she's got an above ground swimming pool in front of the trailer. So, me and Cam, we're pretty drunk, I don't remember if we asked permission or not, we just peeled off our clothes and jumped in the pool. Things were jumping at this point...

Suddenly, it's morning, and I'm back at Cam's dad's place, waking up with a tequila hangover. It's 7 am, and it's time to go fishing. I look at Cam, and I say, Cam, what happened? Is a redneck bar owner going to come after us with a shotgun?

And Cam says, "Mike, I remember the whole thing. We went swimming, we tried to kiss on her a little bit, nothing happened, she drove us home. Nobody is coming after us with a shotgun." Ok.

We went fishing, I spent the whole morning hanging my head off the side of the boat puking, to the amusement of Cam and his family. I was thankful when we got home and I could sleep it off.

And that would have been the end of the story, except that two days later, I discovered that while we were in the pool, she had stolen $40 out of my wallet.

And THAT, my friends, is Texas.

I figure, if I didn't drink $40 worth of booze, at least I got $40 worth of story out of it.(via hypnagogica)